About

Welcome, I'm so glad to have you here.

I'm Franka Grubisic, Founder of Unsetting Expectations. I'm a recovering work addict and a perfectionist, who embarked on a journey of unsetting expectations in March of 2020.

That was a hard year for everyone, and to me, it felt like a knock-out.

The hurricane that was 2020

In the first 3 months of 2020, I've experienced career troubles, indirect family violence, fearing for my own life, a worldwide pandemic, a near family member getting really sick, my life plans turned upside down and... earthquakes. I felt like the world I knew was falling apart right underneath me, and I started to lose control.

In March of 2020, I stopped working. My prefrontal cortex was completely shut off due to PTSD from the things listed above. I couldn't think like myself. Hell, I could barely think at all! Suddenly, I didn't have only 8 or fewer hours of the day to myself, most of which I spent sleeping, but 24 hours. I was lost. What did people do with so many hours in a day???

Work was my passion, my motivation, my reason for being. Without it, I felt undefined. I didn't have any routines or habits to hold on to, as my time was fully devoted to work. At 26, I was starting to learn how to be a human being and not a working machine from scratch.

It's been a tough ride adjusting and making these changes. For a high-performing, over-achieving perfectionist who's a workaholic, who went from working 16+ hours a day and not having a day off in 11 years to barely working at all, not doing much feels like a personal failure. And I haven't done almost any work for the first six months since March of 2020.

Now, another six months later (March 2021), I do have some exciting things on the horizon, so I catch myself falling into my old, negative work habits like checking my e-mail late at night, grabbing my phone first thing in the morning, or getting carried away after work hours. The passion doesn't help because I know where this insanity of mine leads to, and it's not pretty.

How did this newsletter come to be?

For the past 18 months, I've been committed to designing a life that works for me instead of one that was going to kill me. That includes therapy, coaching, unlearning, and relearning. It includes removing the coping strategies that no longer serve me, sorting out my physical health, purposefully doing things that I'm not good at. It includes giving away the control.

I've started writing about my journey in February of 2021, and within months we've had thousands of views, and a dozen people wanting to share their own stories of unsetting expectations, motivated and inspired by my own honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability.

"I almost cried at work reading this. Bravo for the text and the willpower to resist the pressure of society as much as you can."

"I can relate to this a lot more than feels comfortable to admit."

"Brilliant article and so bloody relatable.

"As always, a fabulous post, so relevant, so relatable, so wonderfully raw and powerful. I love it, I love reading this every week, thank you for writing!"

And that brings us to today.

Where are we going?

Unsetting Expectations is a way to build our collective power, and as a result, contribute to societal wellbeing. It grew out of my frustration of not seeing what I was going through spoken about online. Out of my frustration that other topics of unsetting expectations that I still haven't come across in my own life - like politics, or parenthood - aren't being spoken about.

These are all our human experiences, and they are completely normal because they are ours and they show up in our lives. Yet, the one thing they all have in common is that we don't talk about them. And when you don't talk about something, it starts to be covered in a veil of shame. You feel lonely and isolated in your experience because it seems you're the only one going through that.

By now, I hope you know that is far from the truth. But because I don't want anyone to have any doubts, Unsetting Expectations exists. It exists to bring topics such as these to light, to normalize the experiences and the conversations around them, to offer a safe and warm space to share your stories. It exists because I deeply believe that a community of authenticity & vulnerability drives humanity forward, by its real, raw & authentic storytelling.

It's my way of giving back. It's community care. And it's for you.

I feel less alone, knowing that others are going through the same things.

I feel solid, uplifted, but also grounded by acknowledging the difficult parts of life.

I feel grounded, inspired & encouraged.

My hope for you is to find, rekindle and amplify the strength you have within you, because the world needs you.

Thank you for being here! 💛

Much love,

Franka

{October 13th, 2021}